It’s funny when one discovers

It’s funny when one discovers he/she is more against things rather then for anything. I realized today that much of my life (thoughts, reflections, advocations) right now have been against what I see as problems, rather then being an advocate of what I am for.
I think about looking into someone’s eyes when they are passionately talking about something. What is in their eyes at that moment? Excitement? Thrill? Anger? Frustration? What…. ? If I turn that around and wonder what people have been seeing in my eyes of late when speaking passionately, what have they seen? Frustration. Anger. Arrogance. Disappointment. Why am I not focusing on or advocating for the things that bring life, rather then that which gets my blood boiling?
As I recently said to a friend, I’ve really noticed that much of my thinking and feeling lately revolves around the anti-gay / pro-gay and Christian debate. I do dwell a lot on that stuff. So much of what I’ve been expressing lately is the anger, frustration, and disappointment in the prohabitionist-gay stance of the Christian right in this country and how they are, in many other ways too, hurting the cause of Christ and driving many people away from God — often viciously and always unnecessarily. How much mental and emotional energy am I going to invest in this? It has gotten to the point where I’m sure my eyes reveal not the hope and freedom of Christ, but the tragedy of the Religious-Right concerning this issue.
My hope is that when speaking passionately, my eyes reveal an excitement, a hope, a peace, and freedom, rather then frustration and anger that can possibly consume me. If my soul is not at peace, how can anything that comes from me be peaceful? I gotta get beyond this.