Today would have been an anniversary.
Category Archives: personal
St. Paul’s, Fisher, and the Village Voice
My church of preference – that would be St. Paul’s Church in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn, where I serve (okay, I’m biased) – has played host over the last few years to a myriad of musical recordings, mostly from people who attend St. Paul’s.
More recently, one of that group of performers/singer-songwriters/producers yielded an article in The Village Voice where St. Paul’s is mentioned.
I guess I now live in a hipper, cooler area of New York City – BoCoCa! Go figure.
Here is the story in The Village Voice.
Here are photos of my church of preference, during Lent:
Blogging as a Pensieve
In many ways, this blog is like a “Pensieve” from the Harry Potter books. What is a Pensieve, you might ask. Well, a “Pensieve” is a stone receptacle in which to store memories. It contains memories that take physical form as a type of matter that is described as neither liquid nor gas. A person can extract their own memories or another person’s, store them in the Pensieve, and review them later. It also relieves the mind when it becomes cluttered with information. Anyone can examine the memories in the Pensieve.
As I’ve said before, much of what appears in this blog is not really my attempt to make declarative statements about issues or beliefs, but as a way to work through or wrestle with issues and ideas “out loud.” I may “try out” an idea. I may play “devils advocate.” I may vent frustration or disappointment or anger over something or someone. I may post something simply because it simply pleases me and I want to remember it.
Like reading through the Harry Potter books one after another and observing the progression of maturation and experiences lived through by the characters, I see this life as a progression and as much as I hate the word “journey” as it is used in the current vernacular, our Christian lives are nothing but a journey into an “undiscovered country,” the Kingdom of Heaven that Jesus tried to convey to his disciples in the Gospel lessons a couple weeks ago. In this sense the Christian life has much in common with the Buddhist life. They are both means for living, and not religions. Christianity is different and distinct, however, because of the claims of Jesus and issues of the divine that have to be dealt with, but the way of life called for by both is similar. Religions have grown up around both, also.
Anyway, blogging (and journaling in general) reveals the journey. As a “Pensieve,” I put things in this blog that I fully intend to return to. Other people can witness this process, this journey, these memories and these thoughts that I intended to pick more fully, later. Not as fully experienced or fleshed out as within a “real Pensieve,” however. I’m sure some think I’m, well, “nutters” in one way or another.
The point of a “Penseive” is not to impress people or to persuade people or to cause them to like you. The point is to deposit thoughts, ideas, memories, that clutter the mind but to which you wish to return. “Oh, that’s good, I don’t want to forget that, but I don’t have time right now to deal with it,” might be the thinking. Sometimes, there is just too much to think about at any one time.
So, this is my “Pensieve,” for what it’s worth.
BishopBlogging
The Rt. Rev. Pierre Whalon, the Bishop over the Convocation of Episcopal Churches in Europe, is blogging about his experience at this decade’s Anglican Lambeth Conference.
A couple days ago, he wrote this, and I think it is just about my favorite quote so far:
Speaking of Faith” on NPR and the topic was “Play, Spirit, and Character” and the importance of play to good human development. Krista Tippett interviewed play researcher Stuart Brown. The point was made that in real play risk needs to be possible in order for us to realize our abilities and potential, particularly for children to learn.I must say I awaken to think, “Oh boy, Bible study!†(Really!) Each day has brought new learnings from my brothers (the boys’ club), the study guide, and of course, the Scripture itself.
Whenever we delve into Scripture, we put ourselves at risk if we take seriously the lessons for life and love that God brings to us through the written Word of God. If we move within Scripture for the purpose of learning, changing, growing in wisdom rather than attempting to find proofs or justifications for what we already believe or want to believe, the cannot help but be made into a new creation. In the lessons for tomorrow, Jesus keeps saying, “The kingdom of God is like…” We will not move from the confusion of parable to the realization of God’s lesson unless we are will to risk, willing to play with this thing called “life in the Kingdom of God.”
This is not frivolous – all one needs to do is watch children play can be a very determined endeavor. Kids can be dead serious in their joyful play. So should we. Bishop Whalon – read again what he wrote and realize what joyfulness is present. He is playing for his benefit, for the benefit of those in his bible study group, and for us all in the Church.
How better to approach God, our Father in Heaven, with a joyful playfulness. For those who have had bad fathers or no fathers, this may be difficult to accept/understand, but the Father we have in heaven is as a father should be (as much as fallible, human fathers can be)! After all, Jesus said that we must be like the children if we are to realize the Kingdom of God. ” The Kingdom of God is like…”
My prayer is that we WILL has such an attitude (I didn’t use the word CAN, because all can if only we are willing). I pray we all can wake up in the morning and say, “Oh Boy…” bible study… or worship… or discipleship… or feeding the hungry… or being a witness for the sake of our friends and co-workers that do not know the love of God.
The Kingdom of God is like children playing in free revelry. Are we willing to take such a risk? A risk for the sake of the world and our own souls.
I must confess that I’ve lost much of this playfulness. I’ve actually thought a lot about this of late. I’ve come to live in my head and am far too serious, far too busy for my own good. I’ve always been a serious kind of person, but before seminary, before the battles that are tearing the Church apart, I was able to have balance and simply have fun. I recognize that to a great degree I’ve lost that. I need to get it back.
Well then…
Well, Gene Robinson, the Bishop of New Hampshire and the fulcrum of the Troubles, is present in Kent, England. On his blog he is detailing his experience around Lambeth. He is forbidden to attend any of the official events.
His most recent post details an incident that frankly shocked me. I’m really not easily shocked any longer, but I just don’t know what to say.
In his words, here is part of what wrote:
Since arriving in Canterbury, I had not yet visited the Cathedral. I went nowhere near the place on Sunday’s opening service. The ever-anxious leadership had provided the Cathedral security guards with a large photo of me, posted at the security checkpoints, presumably to keep me from “crashing the gates” of the opening service. No one believed that I would be true to my promise to the Archbishop not to attend.
On Thursday, knowing that the conference attendees would leave early in the morning for London — for the MDG walk, lunch at Lambeth Palace, and tea with the Queen — it seemed like a good, low-profile time to make my own pilgrimage to our Mother Church. I told no one of my intentions to attend — except I had my security person follow the properly courteous protocol of alerting the Cathedral to my visit. I had him also seek permission for a videographer to accompany me on my visit for a documentary to be released sometime in 2010. We were informed that the videographer could NOT accompany me or film me inside the Cathedral. Fair enough. We were told that he could accompany me to the gate onto the Cathedral grounds, and, standing in the public street, could at least film me walking into the Cathedral through the gate’s archway.
We contacted Cathedral security to let them know of our imminent arrival, as had been requestd. When we got there, we were met by a gentleman, representing the Dean and Chapter of the Cathedral, I think. He intercepted me and told me that I could not be filmed walking into the Cathedral (even from the public street outside) after all. The reason he gave took me by surprise, rendering me speechless (an uncommon experience for me!). “We can’t have any photographs or film of you entering the Cathedral,” he said, “because we want this to be a church for ALL people.” Presumably he meant that my being seen walking into the Cathedral would cause others not to want to come.
This was one of those breathtaking moments when you just can’t come up with the right thing to say. The rest of the day I thought of all the things I SHOULD have said. Like, “so you mean that I am not included in ‘ALL people?!'” Or, “isn’t this MY cathedral too?!” Or, “so what am I, chopped liver?!” The moment was so surprising, after having been so forthright in our notification of our visit and going through all the channels to ensure courteousness, I just couldn’t come up with anything to say except, “okay,” and accede to his wishes.
We were taken to the Cathedral’s visitors office, where we were introduced to Theresa, a competent and warm guide who provided me with a wonderful, informative and hospitable tour of the Cathedral. But I simply couldn’t shake the feelings engendered by the previous “welcome” a few minutes before.
I just don’t know how to respond to this happening at Canterbury Cathedral, in Canterbury, in England where same-sex relationships are fully legal. If this man enters the cathedral while being filmed, it will cause the cathedral not to be a place for “ALL” people. ALL people. Really, they want it to be for “ALL” people? This is the way?
Anyone who knows me knows that I am certainly a moderate if not a conservative on many things. This just astounds and angers me. I’m reading the 5th Harry Potter book right now, and I feel like Harry in the midst of so many who were lead to believe that he is a lier and crazy and only out for attention. The incident detailed by Bishop Robinson didn’t happen to me, but in the face of such a statement I feel by proximity.
He wrote earlier of his encounter with a number of bishops from around the world in a meet-up organized as an attempt at fulfilling the “Listening Process” called for by previous Lambeths.
One telling comment, from one of those who had chosen to accept a brother bishop’s invitation despite his misgivings, was moved to lament how easy it is to believe what one reads and hears about a fellow Christian, and to find in meeting him that that impression was distorted. He comes from a country torn by internal strife and with more than enough problems of its own, yet found time in his schedule to participate in this effort at reconciliation. Profoundly moving.
WELL THEN, I just got home and picked up my new copy of Newsweek, and the cover copy is this:
Murder in the 8th Grade: At 10, Lawrence King declared he was gay. At 15, a classmate shot him dead.
And who wants to claim we are a “Christian country?”
Just stop it, won’t you please?
Can I just say that I am sick of the forced dichotomy foisted upon us by people who cannot conceive of their own opinion being wrong and who are absolutely unwilling to consider their perspectiion or interpretation or application or life as being in error (minor or major).
One one side, we find the self-perceived enlightened “progressives” who assume that anyone who does not buy into their reinterpretation of things is somehow flawed in thinking or feeling. On the other side are those “orthodox” people and groups that demand “reform” of the Church because they insist that the Church has become heretical due to differing understandings from their own of Scriptural interpretation and application.
Just get over your bad “enlighten” and “orthodox” selves, already. Just because someone does not agree that homosexuality is a gift from God does not make them a Neanderthal, fascist homophobe, and just because someone interprets Scripture in a way that does not forbid all forms of same-sex relationships does not make them a godless, secularist, anti-Christ heretic.
This is beyond, “Oh, be-have.” This is, “Be converted to the Gospel of Jesus Christ.”
How’s that for my own self-inflated opinion of my own thoughts and feelings? Of course I am absolutely right because – “I just love Jesus so much and because I love Jesus so much what I think must be what Jesus thinks, because I love Jesus so much and if I love him so much he isn’t going to make be believe something that isn’t right!” Right?
I just got done reading some stuff at the Anglican Communion Institute. They can put out some good stuff, by the way, but…
IN ADDITION:
You know, it makes no difference whatsoever that certain groups condemn Post-Modernism, call it unchristian, demand that the world not believe in it, and all that. Post-modernism is the emerging worldview (oh, dare I say “meta-narrative?”), and all the huffing and puffing of older generations of Christians will not, will not, will not change the fact that the world has for the most part accepted post-modernism (knowingly or unknowingly, intentionally or unintentionally).
It is not unchristian to be a “post-modernist” of some form. Post-modernism is not anti-Christ. If Christ cannot survive within post-modernism, then what legitimacy does Christianity hold? The funny thing is, within my understanding of how post-modernism works itself out the witness of the way Christians live their lives will be the thing that convinces people of the realness of Christ and redemption. Words, no matter how good they sound, and all the “proofs” convince few, particularly if the lives of those that demand the death of post-modernism hypocritically do not match up with their words.
What to do…
I’ve written before that as Christians, despite what cultural Christianity or the religion of it all might imply, we are not to behave as the World does. Reminds me of Austin Powers, international man of intrigue, when he says, “Oh, be-have!” Anyway, left or right, conservative or liberal, the way society or politics deal with troubling issues and the ways people behave towards one another are not the ways we in the Church, “conservative” or “liberal,” are to behave. We need one long, loud, and consistent, “Oh, be-have!”
Despite the claims of many, there has never been a single, consistent, or “handed-down-for-all-time” interpretation or understanding of scripture and its application. There has been an always occurring process as we go year to year, decade to decade, century to century trying to understand and apply scriptural principles to life as God intends. Certain understandings and interpretations have become “official” and carried forward, but before they became “official” they were enmeshed in controversy influenced by different cultures and the way the different cultures infused the various interpretations and application. The Creeds are examples of the process – centuries of process and progress. In new controversies will probably follow the same process – whether schism results or not.
Yet, the way we deal with each other is of primary importance and will mark the difference between Christians and non-Christians. We all have failed, terribly. During these recent years past we have failed the experience of Anglicanism, terribly. I have to ask myself how am I to deal with those with whom I disagree despite how they deal with me. How have I dealt with them? How do I take their concerns, their beliefs, their proclivities, what I consider to be their misunderstanding or mishandling of scripture, or their opposition of me and my beliefs – how do I deal with them all as Christ would deal with them – in honesty, in forthrightness, in sincerity, with compassion despite how I feel, with integrity?
The Archbishop of the Episcopal Church in Sudan, Daniel Deng Bul, during the Lambeth Conference of Anglican bishops, addressed the issues of Gene Robinson and homosexuality in a rather long press conference. Here is the weblink to the videos of the press conferences. Listen to what he says – you will need to click on the reports on the ENS website separately.
Sudanese Archbishop Daniel Deng Bul addresses the media, Part 1 (07/22/08)
Sudanese Archbishop Daniel Deng Bul addresses the media, Part 2 (07/22/08)
There was a question asked by the Brazilian Episcopal Church press reporter concerning the place that cultural plays in the hermeneutical process of understanding scripture. The Archbishop replied:
“It is not the Bible that should be changed by the culture, but the Bible that should change the culture.”
Well, ideally yes, but… Either he does not understand that culture does and cannot but influence us as we interpret scripture or he knows and does not care or he refuses to admit that his own culture does effect his understanding and interpretation of scripture and how it is applied in the same way that American (Western or Northern) culture(s) affect our own understanding and interpretation and application of scripture.
His opinions cannot be dismissed, nor can they be excused. If I want to wrestle with it all honestly and if I am to respect the dignity of every human being, then I must respect his dignity, his opinion, and deal with him in ways that move beyond identity-politics, political-correctness, therapeutic-models, or culturally derived impressions and influence – I must deal with him as a fallible human loved dearly by God in spite of my own proclivities and fallibility. How? I feel no animosity towards him, although I definitely think his is wrong and his interpretation of scripture and its application are damaging concerning our pressing issue(s). How do I live with him – even if he will not live with me? He has seen more trouble, oppression, danger, heartache than I can imagine, yet…
This thing, this being a Christian, is not easy. Sometimes is just sucks. Funny how some think it is just a crutch for weak-willed people.
End of transmission
I just read today that “Father Jake Stops the World” is going off-line. Here are two reasons he mentioned for his reason to give up the blog:
1. I believe that a constant exposure to some of the toxic rhetoric found on the net has had a negative impact on my spiritual health. I find it more difficult to discern the glory of God. Most likely this is because I’ve become too preoccupied with the depravity of man. I need to take care of myself.
2. I’m no longer sure that our conversations here are helpful to the Episcopal Church. We have become as polarized in our responses as those with whom we disagree. The reality is that we are all children of God. There is no “us†and “them.†There is only “we.†I honestly believe that. Continuing to focus on our divisions deepens them, and provides a poor witness to the hope that is in us.
I really can’t help but agree with him. I know I have to step back from engaging people on the more political Church blogs. It does bring me down. I suspect it can be a downward spiraling endeavor, too.
I’ve witnessed a number of amateur bloggers hang-up-their-hats over the last several years. For whatever reason, the individuals have decided that this medium no longer suits them or meets a greater need – perhaps their individual need for blogging has ended.
More often than not in these extremist and polarizing times, “conversations” are maintained in the blogsphere because of anger and angst, bitterness and bile, and it all feeds upon itself. It is not, as it is currently construed, healthy or ultimately helpful.
I think about why people stop blogging. I guess it depends on why they blogged in the first place or the use they saw for their blogs. For me, I suppose, and as I mention in my disclaimer concerning grammar and spelling, I really do use this “web space” as a place to put things I want to keep track of. Since I am a person who wrestles with stuff by thinking “out loud,” it provides me a place to put down thoughts.
I don’t intend for all this to be “public,” but the medium provides me the best way to keep track of life and of necessity it is public. I appreciate the few who do add comments. I appreciate people who challenge what I write – it helps in my “out loud” process of consideration concerning whatever I’m wrestling with at the time. But, I don’t do any of this to elicit comments. I don’t post to advance an agenda. I just do it for myself. I don’t care how many hits or page-views I get in a day.
Perhaps that’s why after eight years of on-line journaling and then blogging, I don’t feel any need or want to stop at this point. I feel as if to stop would be the same as no longer writing in my paper journal – where I write my more personal stuff.
I think it is kind of sad when a blogger who gathers a regular group of people stops. I perfectly well understand why someone would stop, but it feels like a person who in the tactile world just drops off the face of the earth. I will remove the link in my sidebar for “Father Jakes Stops the World.” The blog was part of the Anglican perspective.
Radicals, again
I was thinking more about the whole “being a radical” thing. I am obviously fairly conventional in many ways, yet simply being a Christian is a radical departure from American cultural norms from the beginning.
So much of the religion of Christianity has capitulated to the culture – and here the conservatives are as much if not more guilty of this than are the liberals (at least in the West and most notably in America) . Part of the difference between the two equally guilty parties is that the conservatives are often blind to the capitulation or which parts of the culture they have given themselves to – frankly, what often happens is they take a culture norm and sanctify it and call it God’s will, like free-market economics for example. Certainly nothing wrong with free-market economics, but it certain isn’t the dictate of God that this is His divine plan or will for humankind. From my experience, at least liberals don’t make any excuses for being like the surrounding culture. Speaking of excuses, what I like about many conservatives is their honesty about their sense of personal, cultural, ethnic, economic, or “systems” superiority – you know where you stand. My experience suggests that liberals have a hard time admitting to their own sense of superiority, like conservatives have a hard time admitting to their own capitulation to the culture.
Anyway, with even a cursory reading of the New Testament, one can’t come away without realizing that the way Jesus calls us to life and to live is very contrary to the prevailing cultural – religious and secular. Jesus calls us to a peculiar life, a radical departure from the norm. This is the way it is, unless we simply want to justify ourselves and our ways of living.
We are to be in the world, but not of it. We are to let our example be a light to help a lost world find its way, but if our lives simple blend into the context of everything else then there is no distinction, no difference, no different light to recognize and follow. This is why it is so tragic when the Church, Christians, and the religion become indistinguishable from the prevailing culture. We would rather trust the culture than the Way of Christ. Understandable, perhaps, due to fear and insecurity, but lamentable all the same.
Live a radical life, for the sake of the world and the people in it.
Saltaire, Fire Island
I left last Friday for Saltaire, Fire Island. I am serving this week as priest for St. Andrew’s-by-the-Sea, a summer chapel in Saltaire.
I am taking time during this week as sort of a retreat. I will be by myself all week with no real TV (2 so-so independent channels on a great flat-screen TV with no DVD… ugh). Internet access is intermittent and may go away after today (Sunday) if this hot-spot is no more during the week. I kind of really do feel isolated, although my phone works, thank God.
This is going to be a tough week. This is the weekend a year ago when I found out that I was to be single, once again. Believe it or not, this past year has been one of the worst in my life. It has been a hard year, but God keeps me and helps me and I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. It is difficult because as a priest there is a point where the stuff of life I’m dealing with cannot be put upon the people I serve. Being a priest can be hard in that way.
Years ago, when I was going through another very difficult summer, God gave me a few verses of Scripture that enabled me to hang on. These verses may at first sound a bit odd, but for me then and ever since they have been a mantra for me and sustenance during times of trial. The verses come from James, chapter 1:
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” (NIV)
Because I’m not a Calvinist, I believe that there is an openness to our lives as God deals with us in relationship and during all phases of our lives. His engagement with us is dynamic, in that way. The present and future are open. I hang on to wanting to be “mature, complete, not lacking anything,” and if trails and tribulations are a help in gaining such things, gaining wisdom, gaining the ability to understand myself and others better, gaining discernment, then so be it.
I would rather life be easy, of course, but we all know it is not. So, during the past year of trials and tribulations, of dealing with deep seated issues in my own life, as well as in the life of the one who I once called my partner, I know that my Lord will see me through and bring me to the other side where I will be made more complete.
Today’s readings talk about God calling Abraham and Sarah to a new country. Jesus calls Matthew to follow him, and Matthew does – leaving everything, even unto death. If my life is to somehow be a blessing to others, then my life needs to be purged of all that our prevailing culture and the systems of this world load on. I want to be wise, to be a blessing, to move in the whole realm of “peace that surpasses all understanding,” the fruit of the Spirit, and loving God with my whole being and truly, intuitively, sincerely loving others as God enables me to love myself, honestly.
In this new country where God calls us, this Kingdom of God, there is a bit of culture shock – trail and tribulation – as we are made new and transformed into citizens of this new country, this Kingdom. As we are inevitably changed, we become an example and a witness to a hurting and confused world of what it means to be a people living in the midst of God. As we are blessed, we become a blessing to others. All we have to do is look at this Church and the Anglican Communion to know how easily it is to be subsumed by the prevailing culture – the systems of this world – and to be pulled away from the new country and to be anything but good examples. We have not heeded His call, have we? Yet, we go on with hope and faith in grace. Thank God we are in grace!
This is what I am learning, even in the midst of heart ache, loneliness, doubt, confusion, and all that stuff we wade through in life before we come to that shore where all things are new.
Funny thing, too, I am reading Harry Potter for the first time. A balm for the soul.