What happens when the taste for this world collides with the taste for the Kingdom of God?
The woman caught in adultery was dragged before Jesus by a bunch of self-righteous hypocrites who cared-less about the woman but only wanted to trip-up Jesus so they could, what? – humiliate him, kill him – anything other than caring about the welfare of the woman.
Jesus didn’t say to them, “Men, where are your accusers?” He did not say to them, “Go and sin no more!” These were reserved for the woman, used as a pawn in the schemes of these addicted men, her accusers, religious leaders of Israel.
Surely she sinned. According to the Law, she was worthy of punishment and her accusers where justified – according to their understanding and application of the Law. Perhaps she was not without hope. Perhaps she could yet experience transformation and redemption. Perhaps a small taste of this Kingdom of God, which she had just received, would have so engrossed her that the taste for this world became like dung.
Jesus didn’t even try with her accusers. Where they not worthy of his attention? Surely they were, just as this woman was worthy. Perhaps their taste for this world was so engrained that they could countenance no other. Perhaps they were so addicted to the drug of what? – power, attention, renown, pride, arrogance, indignation, this world – that they could not even begin to image anything greater, let alone far superior, to that of which they imbibed.
We are all given the privilege and ability to take a taste of this thing called the Kingdom of God. Many do and realize that it is that which they have sought all their lives, and that this taste draws them into a Kingdom of freedom, joy despite circumstances, and the presence of one who will never leave them nor forsake them. Many do not, perhaps because they are just fine with that which at the moment tastes so good (how could anything… anything… be greater), but in the end when the aftertaste comes, is but dung. Perhaps many do not because of their addiction to this world (and religion can also be one of these addictions).
I am so saddened when we see our religious leaders and they have no idea what we are talking about when we say we have tasted something so wonderful. They have no clue. I am so grieved when these men and women attempt to lead God’s church and are so in love and addicted to this world. They are ignorant or possibly hypocrites at best, and charlatans at worst.
I learned yesterday of some of the internal goings-on of certain past leaders in a certain diocese of the Episcopal Church. There is no wonder why parts of this Church are dying. The Church of Jesus Christ cannot exist when it is lead by men and women who are so addicted to this world and have no clue of transformation/translation into that far better Kingdom. We all sin, but they revel in it. How can they proclaim the Kingdom of God when they know nothing of it? They cannot. They become religious leaders and accusers. All they can do is feed the addictions by which this world enslaves them. They far prefer the taste of this world at this moment. They are the accusers of the woman caught in adultery. The Kingdom of God is made available to them, because it is the property of God to always have mercy, yet they have never tasted and cannot understand – worse yet, they refuse to.
I hope that I am that woman. I hope that my own sin is revealed and that I can recognize that that sin, that addiction, is so pale and truly tastes so awful when compared to that which Jesus offers. God help me.

I have been having a difficult time these past couple of days. Today isn’t so bad – just been working on finding a job. The thought of only a few short weeks left before I am out of seminary and having to support myself once again (aside from all the students loans that will come due), is trying. I’m in debt, have no care or home, nor any prospects for a ministry position. Things are very tight this year, at least for those just leaving seminary.
I have determined by some of my conversations during interviews that I may prefer to enter a parish setting as the deacon-in-charge. A little tougher, I suspect, but I think I could do a decent job in a smaller parish. Ideally, I would like to be in a university setting as a chaplain, but those positions are even fewer.
Yes, all the questions of whether this was a wise move, whether I’ve got what it takes, whether I can actually do this kind of stuff runs through my mind. I have a lot to offer, I know that. I especially have a lot to offer concerning evangelism (I’m not afraid or embarrassed by the concept or doing the work), the understanding of the Evangelical mindset (I predict many, many Evangelicals will be migrating to somewhere else as the Religious Right continues to politicize American Evangelicalism). I致e come into an understanding of catholic piety (which Anglicanism is well suited for younger generations who seek mystery, the ancient, and an allowance for questioning) and great appreciation for the daily offices. I am experienced with discipleship and Christian formation.
Anyone want to hire me? I know I can trust God, yet I’ve been a bit blue.

Go see Off the Map. It is a wonderful movie directed by Campbell Scott.

I was supposed to leave today for a second interview with Old St. Paul’s in downtown Baltimore. Great church, great location, and I think very competent new-ish rector. I’ve been told that very few were called for an initial interview, let alone for a second interview. All set, car rented, shirts ironed, bags ready to be packed, and I got a call from the rector yesterday. It seems the search committee decided that they (and he) had found the perfect fit. I will not be going to Baltimore for a second interview. My first rejection on the long path of attempting to secure a ministry position within the Episcopal Church. (Unlike the Roman church, we have too many priests!)
I must say, however, that I had a great interview yesterday. Honestly, I think I would be better suited for the rector I interviewed with yesterday than with the rector of Old St. Paul’s – not that I suspected there might be a mismatch between him and me. There is so much potential for that church and the surrounding area. I pray that the new person is a great asset and the church is a good place for the new person. I am a bit disappointed that I will not be able to interview with the committee. You just never know, as interviewers (I know from experience), what may come through the door next.
It was coincidental that I just had a rash of thoughts concerning the kind of place and/or ministry I would really love to be involved with. Old St. Paul’s could have met some of what I ideally may want, but possibly not. How can I know right now? I can’t, so let me just speculate all over the place.
In the interview yesterday, the rector asked what my ideal ministry situation might look like. Well, I honestly do want to work with young people – college students and the like. Ron, as he was describing what type of ministry each of us exuded around the lunch table a number of weeks ago, referred to me as the “Evangelist.” At the time, that struck me as so strange, but as I think about it and as I interview I do believe he might be right. “Evangelist” would not look quite the same as it does in the Assemblies of God or Chi Alpha, but evangelist nonetheless. I want to be with the people who are outside the church, allow God to use me to draw them, and then be involved in their discipleship.

We are all in the fray. We are all scrambling to find jobs. I have a second interview for a church in Baltimore next week. Frankly, it is a great opportunity and the rector genuinely seems interested.
I have never had to navigate through this job search thing while also considering another person. It is hard to discern how to proceed, where to look, what to take seriously, etc., when I need to be thinking about Ashton’s ability to move, be, grow, etc., in the place I may go. How long will I need to be at this place before I know whether it could be a good place to stay, and then whether Ashton will want to or can move there, too?
I just don’t know how to do it.

Well, my final interviews before ordination concluded today. I have a psychiatric exam on Sunday, but I really don’t foresee any problems there. Some may hope for the opposite reality, but that’s okay.
Time to right a sermon for tomorrow.

I spent Thursday and Friday traveling to Baltimore and meeting with the deployment officer, who is a great guy, and for a perspective job. The reality has set in. I just don’t know about all this.
It is very, very hard when someone close is truly going through a “dark night of the soul.” There is nothing I can say – nothing anyone can say. Only God’s grace and mercy will see him through until he comes out on the other side.
I had a strange dream about my best friend in high school last night. I think about my foolish attempts to deal with a best friend’s departure. It is truly a blessing when people maintain friendships throughout life. I’m not very good at that and it is to my detriment.
I am finding myself thinking about many people who where (and still are) significant people in my life. I am who I am today because of all of them – their involvement in my life, their contributions. I think it may be because of my approaching ordination (June 4th, Trinity Cathedral in Cleveland!), and the life I am giving myself over to. This is all more than a job to me and I am so hesitant to do this, even though I believe it to be God’s leading. The people of the Diocese of Ohio and this seminary (along with others) seem to confirm that belief. It is all are gargantuan unknown!

John Hamilton, priest, as of 12:00 noon yesterday. It was a great service, and Grace Church Newark is a beautiful church! Neil Alexander, Bishop of the Diocese of Atlanta, where John is Canonically resident, presided. Of course, this makes me think about what will be happening to me several months from now, LORD willing!
I participated in the GTS Board of Trustees meeting on Friday, as a Student Representative. I have only one more meeting before I rotate off the Board. During the Education and Formation Commission meeting, of which I am a member, I realized that much of what I bring to the commission is negative. Frankly, while most all of us are very glad we came to General, there is a lot of negative feelings among students concerning the way the place is run, etc. Now, I well know that part of the job of being a student is to complain, but many of the complaints are warranted.
I think I bring a lot of baggage from working at Kent State. We would often hear of what was presented to the Board of Trustees and think, “That isn’t right!” I believe that Board members, whether at KSU or GTS, often do not get an accurate picture of what is going on within the institution. How can they when most come to a campus for a couple of days a couple of times a year? I find myself wanting to make sure they know the down side, when during the plenary sessions of the meetings most of what we hear is positive, with exceptions. It is true that the institution is far from failing and things generally look good, but there are problems and the Trustees need to be aware of them so that they have a clear picture of the overall institution in order to make informed decisions.
The problem with being the bearer of “bad” news or negative comments is that you (I) end up looking like that bad guy or the malcontent. I don’t necessarily think my fellow Board members see me in this light, although they may, but I do fear I am on the edge of such a reputation. I suspect I need to exercise a little more restraint and balance!

Can I tell you how much time it takes me to purge all the SPAM messages that pile up in this weblog every day? It is insidious. There have been times when literally hundreds of comments have been submitted to my posts and suddenly appeared all over my weblog.
Luckily, I use a MT-Blacklist to filter out a lot of the junk (there are over 1,500 URL’s that are blacklisted). I cannot imagine what this weblog would look like without it. Well, I simply couldn稚 use Movable Type. The SPAMers keep pumping out new URL’s advertising everything from porn, to Texas-hold-em gambling, to “male-enhancement” drugs.
SPAM is evil, just plain evil.

It is snowing. Lots of snow. The city can be very beautiful when it snows – slow, quite, peacefull. This is more of storm, and it is quite cold.
There is a beautiful song playing on the website of The Church of the Apostles in Daphne.
The performers are Eastmountainsouth.