Okay, this is a really bad joke, but I had to laugh.

Subject: Roe vs Wade
The mayor of New Orleans was asked about his position on Roe Vs Wade.
He said he didn’t really care how people got out of the city.

I told you!

Go see The Constant Gardener.
It is a very good movie.

Jon, who responded to my last post, included the following quote:
Brennan Manning: Too many of us in this culture are enslaved by things. The only way for a Christian to live in an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that their very existence is an act of rebellion. There is nothing more maddening than a free person.
I like it!! 🙂

Growing up as an American Evangelical I was acculturated into the belief that ultimately it is all about me and Jesus. There is an element of truth in that idea that I still believe. If I am stranded on a deserted island, I can still have a vital Christian experience in my relationship with God through Jesus – just Jesus and me. But, as I have written previously, I am coming into an understanding of what it means to be a “catholic” Christian. I am beginning to understand how that idea challenges my American Evangelical, lone-ranger mentality.
There is a growing conflict within me about the Episcopal/Anglican controversies over gay relationships. Now that I am ordained, I am not in the same state as I was when I was a lay person. I am now under a different standard and a different obligation to God and to Christ’s Church universal.
I am a transitional deacon and soon-to-be-priest in Christ’s one Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church, and my “rights” or my “individual” anything are no longer a primary consideration. I have put myself under a different set of parameters for living. It makes no difference what my personal beliefs may be in the grand scheme of things. They are simply my beliefs – right or wrong. As a clergyman, my responsibility is to God and to the Church and not to my own fulfillment or desires.
So, I am very conflicted right now about what I should be doing – how I should be conducting my life. I believe the decisions of GC2003 are justifiable according to Scripture and theological perspective. Yet, as a clergyman in a Church that as of yet has not come to a common understanding of all this stuff does not mean I can just act as I would like. I am one under authority.
The Church defines marriage as being between the two opposite genders. The Church proclaims that sex outside of marriage is not within God’s will, and is ultimately harmful to us. Therefore, since the Church does not yet conclude that “marriage” between individuals of the same gender is right or proper, then I should not be engaged in a relationship that includes sexual expression. Maybe, maybe not. At the same time, the Church is often wrong and does not realize its wrongness without pioneers pushing for change, without conflict, without being pushed to the edge by those label heretics. How then shall I live? As an advocate that nevertheless abides by current Church teaching? As a pioneer who stands by and acts upon my strongly held personal beliefs and advocates for change? As someone who ultimately knows that I stand before God alone as my judge and that as long as I can honestly say that I believe this to be proper before God, then I will do or be such a thing regardless what the institutions of men say?
It is very hard for me to sublimate my own feelings, beliefs, and desires for the sake of a teaching I think is wrong. It goes against my individualistic American nature. This is what I think, and I am therefore going to act upon my belief, and no one has the right to keep me from it.
I am coming to believe that the Episcopal Church acted prematurely, even if the actions taken I consider proper. I am coming to think that The Rev. Jeffrey John in England was right when he said he and his partner refrained from sexual expression in their long-term relationship when the Church of England reasserted its call for the clergy who are outside the bonds of marriage to be celibate and chaste.
I am a deacon and a priest-to-be. I vowed to obey the teachings of the Episcopal Church, and as of now the teachings are still such that marriage is between a man and a woman. I believe Scriptures calls us to express ourselves sexually within marriage. As of yet, I do not have the option of marriage either by the State or the Church, even though we are in the midst of change. As a clergyman, I am really feeling the conflict of believing I should obey the teachings of the Church as they stand, even if I think they are wrong. I am not alone, however, and must consider the well being of another.
This, for me, is the conflict of being an evangelical and a catholic Christian.

I preached at St. Paul’s again this past Sunday. There was a search committee from a church that is considering me for their open vicar position at St. Paul’s evaluating me as I did my “stuff.”
Afterwards, two St. Paul’s members, two of our more mature members whom I love, came up to me individually and said that they really liked the sermon, but could certainly discern my politics from the sermon. One said they really don’t like politics in the pulpit, but the sermon was great anyway. So, I said, “I bet you really don’t know my politics from that sermon!” Both of them said something like, “Oh, yes, it came through loud and clear.”
I asked one of them, “So, what do you think my political persuasion really is?” He said, “On the far left of the Democratic party.” Oh my gosh! A far left-Democrat! Me! Well, I said, “Oh my no!”
Isn’t it funny the perceptions people form about us from our words? Of course that is how they form opinions, but it drives home the need to be very careful with our words. I try very hard to be neutral concerning politics when I preach. It is not so important to me whether someone is a stanch conservative or a socialist, but that they are informed and reasonable. Yet, I think when some people hear what sounds unconventional (which the way of Jesus will always be!), it sounds liberal.
The search committee really liked the sermon, too!

There is not much I can say. We have all seen the devastation. My cousin, Sonja, and I grew up together and she and her family live in New Orleans – actually Coventry on the north shore of Lake Pontchartrain. She breeds horses. The sustained winds were 130 mph during the hurricane. They all traveled 40 miles inland to my uncle’s place, her father’s.
After the hurricane passed, she was able to get to her house and found that all the horses had made it through, which seems remarkable to me. My uncle’s house sustained no primary damage, although a huge oak tree fell across the swimming pool. Actually, and the huge oaks in his yard fell. He was told not to expect electricity for another month, and while they have generators they have to travel 40 miles to get gasoline at this point.
If anyone is considering donations for victim relief, please consider giving to Episcopal Relief and Development. They are a very effective organization that works with local people and groups. Your money will be wisely spent.

This is the first time in 25 years that I have not been involved in the opening of a new academic year. This is so strange and a bit depressing.

A society or religious order focused on ministry to college students. Chaplains would be the monastics devoting their lives to the spiritual formation/direction and maturation of college students. There needs to be a vital presence of a Christian expression other than fundamentalism and cultic groups that sow and reap and minister to students during the most open and vulnerable period of their lives. There needs to be an Anglican presence in academe! Since the resources are not being committed to such ministry, maybe we need to approach this in a different way – perhaps to take things into our own hands for the time being. I wonder what this would look like?
I have been pulled for a long time in the direction of monasticism. I really don’t know where it comes from or what it may entail, but that desire for complete devotion and surrender to prayer, worship, service, and relationship between brothers/sisters of like commitment has always been present – and seems to be growing. It has taken different shapes during different periods of my life – as a college student, as a campus pastor and missionary, as a seminarian, and now as I begin my life as a priest the pull is only getting stronger.
In many ways, the intense experience of college student ministry mirrors a form of monastic living. Students involved in campus ministries are often the most “sold-out” they will ever be in their lives. The fellowship and the intense spiritual dynamic are profoundly experienced. Chi Alpha at the time of my involvement had a four-fold philosophy of ministry – Discipleship, Worship, Prayer, and Witness. A good foundation, I think.
Now as an Anglican, I understand far more of the history and contributions of monastics to the experience of the Church and for ministry to God and people. I want it all the more.
Ministry to college students, while rarified, is of vital importance for the Church and for the cause of Christ in the world. This focused period of students’ lives opens them to discovering their own faith for perhaps the first time. They are open and willing to newly investigate all manner of things, and these people will be the leaders in politics, science, religions, and business. How will they form their lives, their faith, their philosophies, and so on? Who will influence them?
Fundamentalist religious groups are all over college campuses, as are the cults. They are forming future leaders in their own narrow form and these people will be leading us – to where I don’t know. There are obviously many good ministries, too. So much of the current culture wars and ascendancy of Religious-Right fundamentalism can be directly attributed to the success of their campus ministries during the later part of the 20th century. I know, I was there and was one of them! The Episcopal Church abandoned campus in the 1970’s.
Now, where is the presence on campuses of a Christian expression that allows for open investigation and questioning, that has an ancient pedigree, which values the transformative powers of the liturgy and sacraments, that takes Scripture seriously, and allows for great mystery and experience? Where is Anglicanism on our campuses?
Since the Episcopal Church in general seems unwilling or unable to focus resources for ministry to college students, why not develop a religious order focused on ministry to college students? Men and women who have a passion for and a calling for ministry to college students can devote either part of or all their lives to this purpose. Chaplains will be the monastics (monks or nuns in some form) of such an order. They can live into this calling in a supportive and challenging fellowship that pools resources so that chaplains can be placed and supported in their ministries. Those who do not wish to live in such community full-time can financially and prayerfully (and a myriad of other ways) support the order/society. And so on…
Who knows? Anyone interested? College students of faith and those who are seeking need such a presence! They just do, and until the Church returns money and resources to our colleges and universities, perhaps we can take things into our own hands and begin the work in those places where chaplains and chaplaincies are missing. I’ll do it!

I made a vow to be obedient to my Bishop and to conform to the practice and worship of the Episcopal Church expressed in the Book of Common Prayer.
Taking and living into such a vow, which was very difficult for me, I did it with intent and sincerity as an act of personal humility. I have no problem trusting God with my life, but trusting other people with my life is an entirely different matter. Frankly, my experience has not led me to have much confidence in other people having my best interests in mind when decisions are made. Regardless, this is what I was called to do at ordination and what I determined to do.
All that for this: While I am confident that a right understanding of Scripture and the life in the Church that Jesus calls us does not forbid or restrict gay people (whether single or in life-long, mutual, and monogamous relationships) from being fully participating members of the Church at all levels, what I am to do as an ordained member of that Church is an entirely different matter. I have intentionally put myself in a different situation than are lay members of the Church. Ecclesiastical authority bears greatly upon me, whereas in our Episcopal understanding of things not so much on lay people.
The Church catholic, even within our Anglican expression of that Church, has not concluded that gay people in sexually-active relationships can participate in Holy Orders. The Episcopal Church has, for the most part, but we are only a small part of the Church catholic. Of course, issues concerning married priests have still not been settled universally nor has the issue of woman priests. I fully realize that the collective understanding of the Church catholic, or even majority parts of it, can be absolutely wrong! Where does protest rightly begin in pushing for needed reform and change? Have the Episcopal Church and other provinces of Anglicanism rightly initiated the process of change concerning gay Christian participation in Holy Orders, despite the vehemence of opposition expressed by other parts of the Church?
Considering all the debate within Anglicanism right now over this issue, if I understand what is meant by the Church catholic, then I cannot simply say – We in the American Church can do what we please as long as it is within our canonical regulations no matter what the rest of the Church thinks or does.
I relinquished my “rights” when I entered into Holy Orders. Frankly, I relinquished my “rights” when I became a Christian, period. This is oh so very contrary to American culture, which has come to the point were individual “rights” trump all things, even the general welfare of society as a whole. I can declare for reasons of justice and fairness that I have a “right” to be in a relationship with someone of my own gender – because I am constitutionally homosexual and because I believe Scripture does not forbid it – but I am speaking as an American, not as a Christian. As a Christian, I am incorporated into a larger body of people that requires me to maturely consider the wellbeing of my brothers and sisters first, and my own wants and needs second.
Of course, in considering the needs and wellbeing of my fellow Christians, I must defend and advocate for gay Christians. That does not mean, however, that I can demand that all of Christianity bend to my will (or to the will of a small minority of members) because I want to have a relationship despite what the Church catholic sets as requirements for ordained clergy.
If the decisions are made, if only for the present and near future, that clergy who are gay cannot be in relationships then what do I do? Rebel by doing it anyway and keeping it quiet – hypocrisy? Rebel by saying that this branch of the Church catholic has decided to do its own thing regardless of what the rest say? Be concerned about ME first? Or, do I submit to the decisions of the Church catholic – the majority – believing that God is working in ways I don’t understand and will being all things into conformity to His will? Or, do I renounce my Orders? OR… what?
As I have considered what it means to be a “catholic” Christian after being an individualistic “Evangelical” Christian for so long, the more I realize that it is not all about me, nor is it all about this or that particular group.

This is shaping up to be one of those down days I have every now and then. I’m feeling very inadequate right about now – how can I do any of this stuff. I know little about anything. It will pass, I know from experience, but it is here nonetheless. I need to take a retreat and find out what I am to do.
I am continually amazed at what one can witness and see in New York City – not as if these things cannot and do not happen in other places all over the world, but they taken on a different hue here in this City.