I go through these periods where I’m more conscious of my family. Ever since I went to college my parents and siblings have not been very entwined with my life. It isn’t that I don’t love them or enjoy myself when I’m around them, it’s just that I went to college and never looked back. I get down on myself from time-to-time because I don’t call as often as I should nor visit enough. My parents would do anything for “us kids.”
This morning, I realized a role my parents do play in my life. They are always there whenever I have something exciting to tell someone, or when I’m confused or angry and need to talk. This is selfish, I know, but right now there is a definite void in my life when it comes to close friends who have known me for a long time. If I’m excited about something, who could I tell — someone who would honestly be interested? I could call a couple friends, but my parents are always there — and they are interested. For how long, I don’t know. I thought of people who truly have no one.

I’m in this really odd position right now. Well, odd for me. I feel a great need to write to get all these thoughts down on paper. All these thoughts swirling around in my head and I need to get them out to sort through them. Yet, I’m not. I don’t know where to begin. I’ve got to just start and make the time, force myself to take the time, to simply write.

Okay, okay, I did one of those stupid “personality” questionnaires over the Web. I saw it on GaryJr. and thought, “Hey, what the heck. I’ve got nothing to lose and time while waiting for the stupid server to run through it’s diagnostics.” So, I clicked on that little linkie thangie and wham, bam, I’m a Visionary. What? Well, yes, I can see that, but the description will follow me for the rest of my life. No jobs, no friends, no partners, just hordes of revolutionaries following me into the heat of battle while we over through The Man.
Here it is:

Visionary, revolutionary, vigilante – these descriptions all fit you well. You are thoroughly disgusted with society and humanity as a whole, and you have several rather diabolical plans to reshape it to fit your designs. You’re probably a loner, and most people think you’re crazy. That’s just because they don’t understand, though, and you’ll show them someday anyway. Heh heh heh. You are known to become very passionate about many causes, have torrid love affairs, and be seen as a either a demagogue or a hero to the proletariat masses.

Be cool! Take the What Do You Want Out Of Life? Quiz

Gad, I’m doomed!

I’ve been reading a board within the website of Stephen Bennett Ministries. Stephen was an alcoholic, druggie homosexual who became a Christian and put all of that aside. He now has an ex-gay ministry as well as being a singer/songwriter. One thing that has amazed me about the conservative side of Christianity is the propensity to want to live under stringent regulations and laws — in this particular case the Law of Moses / the Levitical Code. For those who believe in the Christian anti-homosexual ideology have to justify making the condemnation of male same-gender sexual contact applicable for today. They have to, in a sense, bring the Law into the “New Covenant” of grace secured through the resurrection of Jesus Christ. They have to place themselves under the “yoke” of the Law once again, forgoing the freedom of grace. Here is his URL: http://www.sbministries.org
For Christians, this is a remarkable undertaking. An undertaking I simply don’t understand. The New Testament is full references rebuking those who would attempt to impose the stringent requirements of the Law of Moses onto Christians, be they Jews or Gentiles. Why do so many Christians want to once again put themselves under the Law? Is it only because they are so repulsed by homosexuality that they will do anything, even developed warped theology by repeating ancient errors that harm themselves, to justify condemning in the strongest terms homosexuality and/or homosexuals?

There is a letter to the editor in the “West Side Leader” I received two days ago. The West Side Leader is a weekly newspaper devoted to the neighborhoods and suburbs of western Akron, OH. From this letter to the editor, I gather there must have been a serious of letters concerning Intelligent Design and Evolution. There has been a lot of debate at the state level as the Education Dept. sets new science education standards statewide. (The panel recently rejected inclusion of Intelligent Design in the state science standards. The pro-Intelligent Design group will appeal.)
I was so disappointed and embarrassed as I read the letter. A Christian man from Bath, a very wealthy suburb with much higher then average education levels, should have done better. This type of thinking only reinforces absolutely all the negative stereotypes many thinking people have of conservative Christians. The letter only reinforces the notion that Christians will put aside intellectual inquiry and scientific facts for mythology and wishful thinking. Regardless how the world came into being, this way of thinking saddens me. I feel for him and accuse the pastors and teachers under whose influence he places himself. How deep is his “faith”? How much mental gymnastics does he have to employ to buttress his “faith”? Is this really a prime example of dualistic thinking? If you believe in a 7 literal day creation, so be it, but at least be informed about your belief. Blind faith will us no where.
Here is the letter:
To the Editor:
Intelligent Design vs. Evolution discussions have filled the West Side Leader during the pasta few weeks, and I want to ‘jump-in’ with my comment on the matter.
I have been taught from early childhood that my God created the heavens and everything there is.
I have accepted that on faith and managed to make it through the educational system without losing that faith (he also made it through an educational system that did not teach him to think, and that has nothing to do with his belief in creationism! – me) in the ability of God to be the creator of this entire universe.
It is just too bad that there are those who cannot see clearly the logic of a creator – the evidence to me is overwhelming that this is the only belief system one should adopt and believe.
When my God created the stars, he did so with light-years already build into them. (Why would God need to do this? If the universe is young, it is young. Why would God need to make them *seem* like they are billions of years old through the process of light traveling light-years? – me) When my God created trees, he did so with the growth rings already there. When my God created Adam, he was already a man – perhaps 30 years of age.
When my God created the planet Earth, he did so with age already built into the rocks. (Why do this? Its just justification. -me)
The diversity and greatness of this universe and all the little tiny buys, microbes, and yes, even man himself, is a testimony enough for me that there is a God.
My comment to those who believe otherwise: I feel sorry for you if you believe the evolution myth – you have nothing to look forward to when you die. Your life must really be miserable.
I believe the Bible and Genesis, 1:1/ I hope in my life.”
– David Strong, Bath
I am glad that he has a belief system that provides structure and meaning — everyone has one. I wish his faith where based on something not so easily threatened, a faith not so weak or shallow – at least it seems that way. I’m not sure what goes on inside him emotionally or intellectually, but he stands on a weak foundation. I thought he might be young, but then maybe he is quite old. I don’t know. I hope his faith will mature into something not based on blind-faith in a system that can’t stand up to scrutiny. If God and Christianity cannot stand up to scrutiny, then it can’t be true and I want nothing to do with it.
Listening to: Sugar – Copper Blue

Still not feeling well today. I planned on going to the doctor, but my fevor is gone and my neck is a little less sore — I think I’ll skip a visit to the doctor.
The weather today is beautiful — 72 degrees F and sun! We are supposed to have thunderstorms, but around here we never know from one hour to the next what the weather will be.
The Democrats are after Bush now!

It’s funny when one discovers he/she is more against things rather then for anything. I realized today that much of my life (thoughts, reflections, advocations) right now have been against what I see as problems, rather then being an advocate of what I am for.
I think about looking into someone’s eyes when they are passionately talking about something. What is in their eyes at that moment? Excitement? Thrill? Anger? Frustration? What…. ? If I turn that around and wonder what people have been seeing in my eyes of late when speaking passionately, what have they seen? Frustration. Anger. Arrogance. Disappointment. Why am I not focusing on or advocating for the things that bring life, rather then that which gets my blood boiling?
As I recently said to a friend, I’ve really noticed that much of my thinking and feeling lately revolves around the anti-gay / pro-gay and Christian debate. I do dwell a lot on that stuff. So much of what I’ve been expressing lately is the anger, frustration, and disappointment in the prohabitionist-gay stance of the Christian right in this country and how they are, in many other ways too, hurting the cause of Christ and driving many people away from God — often viciously and always unnecessarily. How much mental and emotional energy am I going to invest in this? It has gotten to the point where I’m sure my eyes reveal not the hope and freedom of Christ, but the tragedy of the Religious-Right concerning this issue.
My hope is that when speaking passionately, my eyes reveal an excitement, a hope, a peace, and freedom, rather then frustration and anger that can possibly consume me. If my soul is not at peace, how can anything that comes from me be peaceful? I gotta get beyond this.

I’m sick again. I don’t know why I’ve been sick so often this winter. I’m rarely sick more then once a winter and then for only a couple days. I’m hot, then I’m cold. I pile on cloths, and then strip them off. Achy all over. My eyes hurt, and I have a swollen and sore lymph-node. Thank goodness I don’t feel like throwing-up or some such messy thing. Fever? Yes.
I’m going to have to miss David Sadaris (sp?) tonight. Dan and I have great tickets, but I just don’t think I’ll be able to go. I missed this weekend’s class with only one more weekend of class left. I’m really disappointed that I can’t be there. We had to watch “Death of a Salesmen” for discussion. What a depressing movie!

There were demonstrations on campus today. At the Student Center Plaza, Hillel presented a pro-Israeli rally. In front of the MACC, the Palestinian students rallied. There were people from each other’s group at the opposing demonstration. Peaceful.
Hillel pretty much read the names of the Jews and Arab Israelis killed by terrorist bombers and encouraged people to get all sides of the story. There were a lot of Israeli flags and chalk drawings. The Palestinians had a lot of chalk drawings of people with names and ages of those killed by Israeli troops. There were flags. They were shouting, “Sharon and Hitler are the same. Only the name has changed.” I think that is a bit extreme.
Tomorrow is another day…
Listening:Marie McKee

Those Brits really know how to put on a good show, or with regard to the Queen Mum’s funeral, good pageantry. It was a very dignified and moving funeral and Anglican service.
Listening: The Call’s Compilation