I’ve become…

I saw “Life of Pi”, yesterday, with Don. I had put off seeing the movie because I heard a number of more negative reports. I am so glad I saw it! As Don said something like, “I’ll have to be thinking about this movie for a long while.”, and I agree. It is an well done movie and an incredible story. The ending is what might be referred to as “profound.” (Only if you let it be, however.)

So much depends on what we choose to dwell on, what we choose to accommodate, what we decide to believe. It makes all the difference in the world, really. What story do we choose to inhabit?

I find myself in the spot I am now in, which, frankly, is not a particularly good spot, and I realize in many ways that I have put myself, here, or a least didn’t oppose progressing to this spot. I have lost an abiding joy, a positive outlook, and I’m afraid, hope. Doesn’t sound so good.

There are so many things I need to and have to let go of. While I may believe that I “fight the good fight” and for right reasons, if such a “fight” becomes poisonous, then I must stop. Over the last 10-years or so, I have allowed myself to be swallowed up by a whole lot of negativity, a whole lot of arguments that I cannot win because others are determined to win, taking upon my shoulders a burden that I cannot hope to throw off. I find myself poisoned. I let the poison happen. At times I might have even taken it willingly, though I didn’t consider the end result.

How does one let go? Blah, blah, blah… okay, but how? Really. Let go of situations, let go of people, let go of institutions… just let go. I need to let go, for my own sake. After 10-years, I don’t think I’ve changed anyone’s mind, helped changed anyone’s behavior, helped mold any outcome. I’ve just become poison, myself.

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