We learn too late

I’ve been hit, forcefully, with the realization that trying to do two jobs when both are all consuming is killing me. It has already killed a relationship (where both of us were preoccupied with things other than our beloved – how easily we are blinded to the inevitable results). My misplaced “adventure” has caused my life to be very unbalanced and has effected all parts of my life – physically, emotionally, spiritually. I can’t keep doing this.
I’ve also realized the result of trying for five years to live as a left-brained person, when I am not that kind of person. I can’t keep doing this! Reality has hit home.
My preoccupation with all the troubles within Anglicanism and the Episcopal Church has done me no good. It has poisoned my thoughts and my spirit. There is nothing wrong with keeping up with what is going on, forming opinions, and expressing those opinions, trying to help. The problem comes into play when I allow all the dysfunctions of others to become my own. The problem is when I take upon myself other people’s issues, their hardened hearts, their blindness. This isn’t good for a priest – for anyone. I see what we have done to two religion writers, and it is wrong.
I see my failing. I see my wrong. All interpersonal problems ride on a two-way-street, but part of that street belongs to me and I have to face it head on, admit it, ask forgiveness where necessary, forgive when needed, and move on. My prayer is that the other will do the same, but I cannot guarantee that he or she will. My prayer is that he will, but it seems to be too late. Perhaps for the better.
Here is how I wish I would have loved – how I wish I will love my God, myself, Ashton, and my neighbor:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (I Corinthians 13:4-8)