It is an odd thing – the other person of a relationship… the other person of such significance in one’s life. So many times I think to myself, “The most dreadful thing I can think of right now is having to talk to anyone,” or “go to a meeting,” or “listen to someone called wanting to spill-their-guts,” as I am half-asleep, or “over-peopled.” Then, that one other person calls, and I answer the phone. I want to. I am just as tired, just as needful for alone-time, just as whatever, yet I am not bothered by that other person.
\nI have said that I do not know whether I am cut out to be a priest or not. I have said to friends, other priests, that I do not know whether I could at times bring myself to get up at 2:00 am to visit a family in the hospital as a loved one dies. There are times when every fiber of my being would rebel against such unselfish giving. And they said, “You will.” They said, “You will find the strength.” They said, “You do it because you love those people.” It will have to be God’s enabling! Perhaps, it is something like that person who is so significant in one’s life that you do not mind a call, a visit, a snuggle at the very time when you think nothing in the world could be worse than just that kind of thing.
\nI arrived back in Ohio today for my ordination to the “Holy Order of Deacons in God’s one Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church.” I had a real sense of dread – not concerning ordination, but I felt that same sense of loneliness that I sometimes felt before heading to New York. I do not want to find myself once again in a place where I know no one and have to attempt to establish new friendships. It is hard at this stage of the game. I do not want to be here alone. I am going to find it very difficult to be away from the one person of such significance that I don’t mind a phone call at the most inopportune time.
\nTomorrow, I am on a pre-ordination “retreat.” Then, dinner with the Bishop. Saturday, June 4th, four of us will be ordained Deacons! This is it. This is the beginning of the culmination of the last five years. I have no clue! I also have no job!
\nNext Wednesday, I have an interview in Toledo for a chaplaincy position. It is a great opportunity for someone – perhaps for me. I just don’t know.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It is an odd thing – the other person of a relationship… the other person of such significance in one’s life. So many times I think to myself, “The most dreadful thing I can think of right now is having … Continue reading