When good isn’t good enough

Today, much of the uncertainty and chaos in my life came home to roost. I have to be moved out of the seminary by Friday, so until I know where I am going or what I am will be doing I will be staying with Ashton in New Jersey. He helped me move some of my stuff still not in storage – in Ohio or the Bronx – to his little, tiny apartment within a very large manor house. I will move the rest at the end of the week.
I feel depressed and very defeated today – no energy, no anything. I think the straw that broke the “I’m doing good” camel’s back is that while I’m still living at the seminary I can much more easily handle all the uncertainty of living in limbo, but now that the very familiar living space is being yanked from under me, absolutely everything of any familiarity is going by the wayside. It is just hard.
I know I will come through this as I have in the past. Time, age, and experience have their benefits, but I think I am the last person in my class to not have a position (aside from the fact that I am making far more than any of them right now working at the Church Medical Trust). I just figured that by now, I would be in a ministry position. I want some normality; I want some stability; I want some familiarity back in my life.
Today, I’m not doing very well – good isn’t good enough at the moment.