Airline tactics

As I was waking up this morning, I listened to NPR news and they reported that American Airlines was now going to charge $15.00 to check a single piece of luggage. This makes a difference because I am trying to find a flight for my nephew to come and visit me this summer. According to the report, AA is adding the surcharge due to the cost of fuel. Market forces will make it so they have to raise prices, but…
I understand why the airlines don’t simply raise the base price of their tickets – after all, when using Travelocity, Orbits, etc., most people look for the lowest price rather than the final price. Yet, at some point the add-on charges will get ridiculous.
So, here is what I think a “bill” for an airline ticket will look like next year:
Cleveland to New York on a big airline:
Ticket Price: $300.00 (Okay, decent price!)
Fuel fee: $20.00 (to cover the increased cost)
Luggage fee: $15.00 per piece of checked luggage
Carry-on fee: $10.00 per additional carry-on luggage after the first piece
Walk-on fee: $5.00 (after all, all those feet walking wear out the carpet)
Pilot fee: $15.00 (unions, you know)
Stewart fee: $ 5.00 (see above)
Poundage fee: $2.00 (for every pound a passenger is over 200 pounds – additional thrust needed for take-off, more fuel needed, etc.)
Convenience fee: $10.00 (it’s a lot more convenient flying than driving, or an airline fee to pay for the inconvenience of having to deal with passengers)
Safety fee: $10.00 (having the stewards read the escape plan and a seat cushion life-preserver provided in case of a crash)
Insurance fee: $25.00 (to cover the cost of having to defend themselves when passengers sue the airline.)
Inspection fee: $20.00 (making sure there are no wire short circuits or fuselage cracks costs a lot of money – unions, again, and the pesky government)
The final airline price is: $445.00 (Doesn’t $300.00 look so much better when trying to find a cheap flight?)
Oops, I forgot Food & Beverage fee: $5.00 drinks; $15.00 booze; $3.00 peanuts; $20.00 meal. (Paid by cash only on the plane.)
Add to that, a fee for a headset if you want to watch movies or listen to music: $10.00 (and you even have to turn it in at the end of the flight, else you can’t get off the plane! There could be an exit fee somewhere in the future, too.)
Pillows and blankets are still for free! For now…
Of course, then one must add the airport fees, landing right fees, city, county, state, and federal taxes.